Sometimes you've just got to smile, and GFI security expert David Kelleher gave me more than one with his dreams of a security utopia in 2010. Dream on is more like it.GFI's David Kelleher, like a lot of security experts, has a checklist of items that, if attended to, would go a long way toward reducing the threat environment in which we all live and work.

He also has a pretty good sense of perspective (read: wry acceptance) about the likelihood of those items actually being dealt with.

As he shows in his:

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Satirical Approach To Security In 2010

1. More budget allocated for IT security spending Even though many countries are starting to pull out of the recession, dont think it will be a bumper year for IT security budgets. You may notice an increase in overall IT spending but come the first bump, IT security projects will be the first to get the chop.

2. Management grasps the concept of an ever-evolving security landscape The media has been awash with security stories this year but that doesnt mean that management will be aware of the changing security landscape. Unless theyve been hit themselves (and hard) many in management will still think that solutions other than anti-virus and anti-spam are a waste of money. The it wont happen to me syndrome will strike again.

3. Employees boost productivity, forsake non-work related browsing If only. There are too many online distractions for employees these days. Social networking sites, news, entertainment, adult material are just too much of an attraction to ignore. How else are employees supposed to pass the time at the office? If youre looking to boost productivity, you better have the means to control what your employees are doing online!

4. Security policies are understood and adhered too without enforcement And they will be asking for monthly updates (sic). Security policies are there to be ignored (like most laws) and employees will only huff and puff when you mention them. How dare you tell them what type of password to use or that they cannot buy stuff from eBay? Putting your trust and faith in a compliant and accepting workforce next year will only create more problems  especially when security is at stake.

5. Employees will not lose their laptops, USB sticks or hard drives If the statistics are anything to go by, you had better make sure all your external and portable devices have decent encryption on them and you know exactly what data is being copied. Apart from those with malicious intentions, most employees are just negligent with items that are not theirs and it is so easy to forget a laptop in the car while they pop into the convenience store. Why they would need to take a USB stick with them to the pub for a pint (and leave it there) is beyond reason but it happens. So you are forewarned.

6. All suspicious links, emails or web activity are reported immediately No way. Employees will continue to use IT with little regard for security. The will still click on links in emails or on websites without stopping to think how their actions could compromise security. And if something bad happens, youll get the standard response I have no clue how that happened. The only immediacy youll see is a request for help when their Internet connection is down or their email is not working. As if theyll tell you that they have downloaded a couple of games from a warez site or something funny happened when they connected a USB stick someone gave them.

7. Employees will not fall for social engineering or phishing attacks Hope lives eternal but youre in for a long wait. Too much trust and an element of scaremongering are the main factors why people fall for social engineering tricks. Unfortunately, employees tend to act and then think after they did something. If its any consolation even C-level individuals are known to slip up more than once. Hopefully, it wont happen in your own backyard.

8. Huge decrease in software patches released Now wouldnt that make a lot of people happy? Yes, but it wont be the case in 2010. Products and platforms are more stable nowadays but dont bet your last dime on a year of fewer exploits and even less frequent Patch ***days (choose relevant day/s of the week).

9. Spam will fall to manageable levels Spammers will not become an extinct breed in 2010. With spam holding its ground at around 90% of all email, it will take a miracle to drop that percentage down to anything remotely acceptable. The spamming community and their army of botnets will continue sending out spam and more spam. Be prepared for some new nasties in the New Year.

10. Your dreams will come true Not. If you really are confident that these dreams will materialize, your optimism abounds. While all may sound doom and gloom there will always be a flickering light at the end of the tunnel. Its just going to take a bit longer to get there and a lot more hard work

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Nice stuff -- I laughed especially hard at his second entry, and expect that many of you did as well... if you weren't tearing up at the honesty the humor holds.