Operations // Identity & Access Management
12/11/2013
11:06 AM
John Klossner
John Klossner
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Name That Toon, Win a Prize

We provide the cartoon. You write the caption.
We provide the cartoon. You write the caption.

Submit your caption in the comments, and our panel of experts will reward the winner with a $25 Amazon gift card. If you don't want to enter a caption, help us pick a winner by voting on the submissions. Click thumbs up for those you find funny. As always, editorial comments are encouraged and welcomed.

Click here for contest rules. For advice on how to beat the competition, check out How To Win A Cartoon Caption Contest (Tech Version) . The contest closes Jan. 5.

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Marilyn Cohodas
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Marilyn Cohodas,
User Rank: Strategist
12/11/2013 | 11:44:23 AM
A biometric Xmas
"OK, he passes the hand scan. But what's his password."
Whoopty
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Whoopty,
User Rank: Moderator
12/11/2013 | 11:50:07 AM
Re: A biometric Xmas
Santa: How did they know I lost a finger in the 'nam?
ChrisMurphy
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ChrisMurphy,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/11/2013 | 12:38:55 PM
Re: A biometric Xmas
"He wants guest Wi-Fi access while dropping off the presents."
Marilyn Cohodas
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Marilyn Cohodas,
User Rank: Strategist
12/11/2013 | 1:34:37 PM
You folks are funny!
These captions are hilarious. Keep'em coming!
Marilyn Cohodas
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Marilyn Cohodas,
User Rank: Strategist
12/11/2013 | 2:44:53 PM
Re: A biometric Xmas
Damn! I'm an IW pick but I can't win because I'm a UBM employee! Thanks for the vote of confidence, just the same.... 
BubbaIT
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BubbaIT,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/11/2013 | 12:49:53 PM
Cartoon caption
What's it mean if he's got no fingerprints?
Yab
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Yab,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/11/2013 | 12:53:18 PM
Hand It To Santa
Looks like it's hand me downs again this year
sn
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sn,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/11/2013 | 1:20:30 PM
Name that toon
In this case, the malicious payload is another reindeer sweater.
zimmerr
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zimmerr,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/11/2013 | 1:26:53 PM
cartoon caption
Now we can find out who Santa really is!
DataBass
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DataBass,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/11/2013 | 1:44:27 PM
Name that toon
It's ok Jane.  He's the real thing.  Cancel the call to 911.
lfeuerhelm622
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lfeuerhelm622,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 1:14:08 PM
Re: Name that toon
Next year let's upgrade to a retina scanner.
ANON1255450178610
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ANON1255450178610,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/11/2013 | 2:13:29 PM
Caption
I took his fingerprints off of last year's Leapfrog.™
StanStan
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StanStan,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/11/2013 | 3:21:15 PM
Santa'ssurance
Since I got hit with that TROJAN, I'm not taking any chances!
esmith946
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esmith946,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/11/2013 | 3:45:24 PM
I have 4 fingers ...
I have 4 fingers ...
Marilyn Cohodas
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Marilyn Cohodas,
User Rank: Strategist
12/11/2013 | 4:46:15 PM
Don't forget to rate your favorite captions!
Just click the Thumbs Up and let us know when you are ROFLOL or quietly chuckling in amusement. 
Henrik Hellberg
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Henrik Hellberg,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 4:57:43 AM
Name that toon
Pass or no pass, we agreed on a strip search.
VirtualityKing
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VirtualityKing,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 5:16:54 AM
Santa Claus
242523664th
shenry770
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shenry770,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 1:44:45 PM
Re: Santa Claus
It's the only way out via the chimney's Man Trap!
dw_ship
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dw_ship,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 10:04:00 AM
Santacurity
You can never be too careful with all those copycats running around.
Susan Fogarty
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Susan Fogarty,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 1:06:50 PM
Santasecurity 2
"Before you get on his lap, let's see what the NSA has on him."
vtoto
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vtoto,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 1:13:33 PM
Santa
A retina scan would have no problem with those cookie crumbs..
kq4ym
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kq4ym,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 1:31:39 PM
Santa Caption
We want to make sure it's rhe real Santa.
jcohen101
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jcohen101,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 1:32:29 PM
Saint Not
"Luddite."
ANON1248803502478
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ANON1248803502478,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 1:34:36 PM
Santa caption
This year we are checking for NSA's - Nasty Santa Associates
hlichtman201
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hlichtman201,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 1:37:26 PM
No Fly List
He claims he's a complately different Santa Clause from the one on the TSA's No Fly List
scamp134
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scamp134,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 1:37:55 PM
Santa
It's the latest in biometrics.  You can't be too careful with all those department store Santas running around.
gj8820
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gj8820,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 1:42:42 PM
Maybe you should help him out. Healthcare.gov will be completed before he figures it out.
Maybe you should help him out. Healthcare.gov will be completed before he figures it out.
ANON1245337504220
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ANON1245337504220,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 1:46:02 PM
Santa
If this works, remind me to try it on the Easter Bunny.
ukiddinme987
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ukiddinme987,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 1:46:27 PM
Santa Toon
It was necessary, after the incident we had LAST year
UncleBooger
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UncleBooger,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 1:47:49 PM
Biometics, schmiometrcs... Grab the toys!
Biometics, schmiometrics... Grab the toys!
emoore166
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emoore166,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 1:51:02 PM
santa
Too much hair for facial recognition
ebabeyv5h
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ebabeyv5h,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 1:54:24 PM
Santa photo cation
Santa reflects on how he ended up with just 9 reindeer.
dseal@tbrinsurance.com
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dseal@tbrinsurance.com,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 1:56:28 PM
Cartoon Caption
You can't be too sure. The mall is full of imposters.
edaeuber565
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edaeuber565,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 2:04:55 PM
Cartoon Caption
It's right there in the Authentication Management Guidlines, "Ya better watch out!"
shoehn328
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shoehn328,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 2:06:20 PM
Santa Hand Scan
Okay, so he passed the hand scan. Go get the rubber gloves.
rnairn482
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rnairn482,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 2:09:34 PM
Santa?
Did you update the firmware? We don't want another "TOOTH FAIRY" incident.
DanG
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DanG,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 2:12:01 PM
Checking It Twice
"Susie, with the information this scan will bring and the knowledge that he's left-handed, we will rule Christmas!"
Marilyn Cohodas
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Marilyn Cohodas,
User Rank: Strategist
12/12/2013 | 2:41:24 PM
Re: Checking It Twice
Take a minute to check out the entries to our caption contest. Enter your own or give a thumbs up to your favorite. the winner will will be announced in January. Ho! Ho! Ho!
bgrayek852
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bgrayek852,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 3:21:56 PM
That will teach him for giving me coal last year.
That will teach him for giving me coal last year. You don't mess with a kid who's father works for the NSA. 
rharris354
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rharris354,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 3:24:31 PM
Name That Toon
How can we be sure it's him? Does the scanner detect altered fingerprints?
bgrayek852
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bgrayek852,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 3:24:52 PM
The Question...
No Julie, if he doesn't pass the biometric scan we can't keep the presents.
bgrayek852
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bgrayek852,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 3:28:09 PM
Dad told us......
Dad told us that we have to use two-factor authentication to avoid fraud, so it's only fair that he does, too.
tgreineke
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tgreineke,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 3:48:00 PM
Cartoon caption
What if the hand scanner doesn't compensate for ashes and soot?
JohnS856
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JohnS856,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 3:52:47 PM
Every year those security black hats get more creative with their social engineering schemes!
Every year those security black hats get more creative with their social engineering schemes!
jcarbonell315
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jcarbonell315,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 4:00:40 PM
CARTOON CAPTION CONTEST- SANTA
Who is tracking Santa?

 

 

 

JCARBONELL315
rayk2nd
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rayk2nd,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 4:49:15 PM
Caption
I don't get it... he's already in the house, and we're supposed to be sleeping or he doesn't show up...
rayk2nd
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rayk2nd,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 4:50:14 PM
Caption
I hope that's not the hand he wipes with!
rayk2nd
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rayk2nd,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 4:52:26 PM
Caption
You have tech support on speed dial just in case, right?
rayk2nd
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rayk2nd,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 4:55:25 PM
Caption
You'd think he'd be too busy for a hand selfie.
rlambert840
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rlambert840,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 4:59:12 PM
Home Security
I'm glad we asked for the DIY home security kit last year.
rayk2nd
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rayk2nd,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 4:59:49 PM
Caption
Mrs. Claus has him on a short leash after those Facebook pictures last year...
rayk2nd
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rayk2nd,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 5:08:06 PM
Caption
Couldn't risk getting skipped, so I put the security checkpoint in AFTER the bag's already in the house.
rayk2nd
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rayk2nd,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 5:12:59 PM
Caption
Boy, we've sure come a long way from "visions of sugarplums"!
rayk2nd
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rayk2nd,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 5:14:40 PM
Caption
Whatever happened to "A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread"?
Ted_A
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Ted_A,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/12/2013 | 6:33:52 PM
CARTOON CAPTION
WOW.... isn't internet amazing?! It already has biometric database to authenticate everybody... and Santa is no exception!
dw_ship
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dw_ship,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/13/2013 | 7:42:38 AM
Santa Clause
So, how do we update the database if this one falls off the roof?
dw_ship
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dw_ship,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/13/2013 | 7:56:47 AM
Midnight Snack
He checks out. Go get the milk and cookies.
dw_ship
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dw_ship,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/13/2013 | 7:59:04 AM
Tight Security
I'll check the bag, you do the pat down.
DanG
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DanG,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/13/2013 | 8:38:03 AM
Better safe...
"Better to check, since we are in the witness protection program!"
jfoehner631
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jfoehner631,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/13/2013 | 10:49:14 AM
Name That Toon, Win a Prize
High tech or not... shouldn't the reader be on the *other* side of the chimney?
Marilyn Cohodas
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Marilyn Cohodas,
User Rank: Strategist
12/13/2013 | 1:26:16 PM
Reading the captions & checking them twice
Good to see that readers are helping the judges by clicking on their favorite captions! Keep up the good work. And remember, no limit on entries, so keep'em coming!
RoryC899
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RoryC899,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/13/2013 | 6:20:55 PM
Caption Competition
"I hope we get something better than the crappy pyjamas we got last year"
dbeckerman949
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dbeckerman949,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/13/2013 | 7:15:17 PM
Red Nosed Reindeer
He's clean, what about the deer with the red nose?
JohnS795
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JohnS795,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/14/2013 | 3:03:39 AM
I do not trust him
Naughty or Nice I am checking him out!
czawadiwsky532
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czawadiwsky532,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/14/2013 | 4:00:29 AM
Cartoon Caption
See, I told you he was real!
samicksha
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samicksha,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/16/2013 | 4:22:04 AM
Re: Cartoon Caption
Even Santa need security clearance.
dw_ship
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dw_ship,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/16/2013 | 10:34:46 AM
In the not too distant future...
Christmas IS getting more complicated! Aren't you glad we're prepared?
sweetwilly
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sweetwilly,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/16/2013 | 12:52:02 PM
Name That Toon
What a coincidence, dad has only four fingers too!
sweetwilly
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sweetwilly,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/16/2013 | 1:52:32 PM
Name That Toon
Remember Samantha, trust no one! ...Why Fox? What could happen?
RMESSINGER333
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RMESSINGER333,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/16/2013 | 2:30:48 PM
Caption
Yeah, we've had trouble with knock-offs every Christmas season...
MKane1
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MKane1,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/16/2013 | 4:59:59 PM
Captain Contest
Check it twice. 
samicksha
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samicksha,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/17/2013 | 2:54:45 AM
Re: Captain Contest
Sorry Santa we dont want Crooks to hide behind you.
virsingh211
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virsingh211,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/17/2013 | 3:22:22 AM
Re: Captain Contest
Santa !! I guess its time to remove your Gloves.
Shane M. O'Neill
67%
33%
Shane M. O'Neill,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/17/2013 | 4:15:24 PM
Santa's data
Let's see if he's been naughty or nice.
Marilyn Cohodas
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Marilyn Cohodas,
User Rank: Strategist
12/18/2013 | 11:02:56 AM
Still time to enter our Name that Toon contest
We provide the cartoon, you submit your caption. Maybe you'll win a $25 Amazon gift card. Enter today or help us pick the winner by voting "thumbs up" on your favorite.
Booberry
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Booberry,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/18/2013 | 9:24:13 PM
Name That Toon
He needs RFID.
Booberry
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Booberry,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/18/2013 | 9:29:14 PM
Name That Toon
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
Booberry
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Booberry,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/18/2013 | 9:30:24 PM
Name that toon.
Its okay, NORAD cleared him.
Booberry
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Booberry,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/18/2013 | 9:31:50 PM
Name That Toon.
Has he been chipped?
Booberry
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Booberry,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/18/2013 | 9:33:17 PM
Name That Toon
Where's the Amazon drones?
Booberry
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Booberry,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/18/2013 | 9:45:43 PM
Name That Toon
This security system came out in the Nick of time.
Booberry
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Booberry,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/18/2013 | 9:47:04 PM
Name That Toon
There's an Army of these guys out there.
Booberry
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Booberry,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/18/2013 | 9:58:17 PM
Name That Toon
Call 911...Grandma got ran over by a reindeer.
dw_ship
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dw_ship,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/19/2013 | 10:32:50 AM
Santa Inventory
It slows down the process, but he doesn't make mistakes anymore.
dw_ship
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dw_ship,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/19/2013 | 10:33:36 AM
GPS Backup
It helps the North Pole track him, in case he loses his phone.
dw_ship
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dw_ship,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/19/2013 | 10:45:18 AM
S.A.N.T.A.
We're a test home for his new Secure Assist Navigation and Tracking Application
dw_ship
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dw_ship,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/19/2013 | 3:16:34 PM
The Night Before Christmas
How did the rolls get reversed? I thought the kids were supposed to be dreaming of sugar plums while the parents stayed up.
The Penguin
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The Penguin,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/20/2013 | 4:52:56 PM
Name That Toon
I don't want to get a Fauxlex.
The Penguin
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The Penguin,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/20/2013 | 4:54:25 PM
Name That Toon
Until he's ID'd, he's just another perp.
pr627
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pr627,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/28/2013 | 2:13:24 PM
3FA
"Wait Santa, you need to use your card and PIN also"...
dw_ship
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dw_ship,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/30/2013 | 7:20:11 AM
Busted
Once and for all, we will discover who he really is.
dw_ship
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dw_ship,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/30/2013 | 11:51:56 AM
No Imitations
Only the REAL Santa will be able to pass THIS security.
dw_ship
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dw_ship,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/30/2013 | 11:54:09 AM
Sneak Peek
Next year, we should put in a bag scanner too.
jgherbert
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jgherbert,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/30/2013 | 4:10:21 PM
Caption
Santa registered for TSA Pre-Check this year so he could avoid the millimeter wave scanners. Evidently he was worried about the scanner operators seeing his sack.

 

 

I'll get my coat...
jgherbert
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jgherbert,
User Rank: Apprentice
12/30/2013 | 4:16:12 PM
Caption
Santa wasn't quite sure why the children believed he only had four fingers.
Marilyn Cohodas
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Marilyn Cohodas,
User Rank: Strategist
1/2/2014 | 9:12:15 AM
Three days left to enter your caption!
The competition is pretty stiff, but there is still time to enter a caption for our cartoon caption contest. First prize -- $25 Amazon gift card. Plus, the winniing caption will be penned by cartoonist John Klossner and republished in Information Week! The competition ends January 5 so keep the captions coming until then!
dw_ship
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dw_ship,
User Rank: Apprentice
1/3/2014 | 7:40:21 AM
Christmas Wait
The anticipation is killing me! Tell me again, why did dad install these security checks?
dw_ship
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dw_ship,
User Rank: Apprentice
1/3/2014 | 7:43:14 AM
Identity
If Santa is really someone we know, this will prove it.
tfreeburger958
50%
50%
tfreeburger958,
User Rank: Apprentice
3/7/2014 | 12:00:04 PM
Cartoon Contest
Dad wants tomke sure it isn't Billie Bob Thornton !
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